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Anniversary

Posted on by Talker99

Today is Talker99’s One Year Anniversary……… or so we’ve been told.

It was one year ago today that the King of Late night, Talker96, said goodbye to his late night Wix blog, despite being number one in the ratings.

That last blog post on Talker96’s Page of Awesome was one of the internets most viewed posts ever made, with over 11 million readers tuning in to it within the first hour of its creation.

Three weeks later, after signing a ten year contract with WordPress, Talker96 changed his name to Tàlker99 and started one of the most “groundbreaking web hubs and social News feeds ever created”. Wired

To mark the occasion WordPress secured the last piece of public space available on the world wide web, gave it to the staff at Tàlker99 and said “make us proud.”

So join us now as we look back on the first year of Tàlker99….

1. June 2024: Talker99 opens after buying the absolute last piece of space on the World Wide Web, making Talker99 the final website to be available to the public.

September 11, 2024: Tuesday

November 20, 2024: Kardashian love scandal. All the press is buzzing with news of a new baby bump that was reported after Kim was seen leaving Madison Square Garden. Is Tàlker99 the father?

2. Jan 1st 2025: The S.S. Poseidon capsizes in the beginning hours of the new year after getting hit by a rouge wave. Talker99 is the first to report the story hours before all other news sites.

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3. Feb 14th 2025: Valentines Day

4. March 6th 2025: While vacationing in L.A. and on tour of Nakatomi Plaza, Talker99 slipped away while terrorist Hans Gruber took control of the building and held the people inside hostage. Over the course of the night Talker99 managed to defeat the terrorists and save Christmas for him and his wife. Although it should be noted that Christmas is still months away.

5. May 16th: New Sex scandal!!!

6. July or possibly August: While vacationing in New York, the brother of Hans Gruber(see March 6th) sets off a series of explosions throughout the city, effectively holding all of Manhattan hostage. Talker99 somehow manages to defeat every one of the terrorists, this time with the help of Samuel L Jackson.

7. Sept 22 2025: Talker99 sets the fashion world on fire with his new line of clothing, completely revolutionizing how we view apparel.

8. Oct 8 2025: While in Russia for his sons murder trial, Talker99 once again stops some bad guys, this time though he did it in Russia!!

So that’s it everyone, hope next year is just as exciting.

Do you agree

Posted on by Talker99

A recent poll conducted by CNN shows that seventy nine percent of the general public is in total agreement while another fourteen percent completely disagree.

Those in complete disagreement rose almost three percent from last years poll, which has left most experts baffled as to what might be going on to have so many different opinions..

It is of note though that those who simply do not care stayed the same at 4% as did the number for those that were too busy for the poll at 3%.

Kingston Falls: Could it happen again?

Posted on by Talker99

It’s the forty year anniversary of the tragedy that took place on Christmas Eve in Kingston Falls, New York and we as a people were completely unprepared for the horror that night brought.

We sat with Peter Davis, (a Professor at the University of Houston where he teaches a course on the subject) and he talked with us on how that day forever changed us and why we need to be prepared so that it won’t happen again.

Many say this is the creature that started it all but scientists have yet to find any proof

Many say this is the creature that started it all but scientists have yet to find any proof

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“The Kingston Falls Creatures, or the “KFC” as most call them, were like nothing we had ever seen.

These were creatures who basically lived for destruction. They only ate after midnight, were allergic to bright light, especially sun light, and multiplied if touched by water.

They were like no other animal.

Their sole purpose seemed to be mayhem and chaos.

On the same page though, here were creatures that showed great intelligence and interest in the world around them. Normally, if an animal has some sense of reasoning behind the eyes then there is usually compassion as well.

These creatures had a complete disregard for life and took no hesitation in killing whatever was in front of them….They were and still are the most fascinating creatures.”

Photo taken by a Gremlin during the night of the tragedy

Photo taken by a KFC during the night of the tragedy

“In almost one night these creatures were able to wipe an entire town off the face of the Earth. No man, woman or child was spared in their havoc.

Conspiracy theorists will tell you that a similar fate befell the Clapton building in New York a few years later but that still has yet to be proven.”

Continued on page 147.

Recent study shows kids today have it way better than kids fifty years ago

Posted on by Talker99

A recent study from M.I.T. shows that children today have fewer restrictions, far less chores and way cooler toys than children 50 years ago.

These factors and many more like them have made scientists conclude that they have it way better than kids their age fifty years ago.

Mike Stizer, one of the scientists that was involved in the study had this to say, “Kids today have it so much easier than when I was a kid. I was born an raised in the sixties, I had chores, a bedtime, schoolwork piled a mile high and manners for the adults around me. Kids today have none of these. They have Playstations, freedom to run the streets due to busy, workaholic or drug addicted parents, school teachers that fear them or the system they work for due to political correctness and they have absolutely no manners whatsoever. This one kid we talked to thought manners was a guy that played for the Braves, so besides the fact that they have it better, they are also idiots.”

A kid texts while waiting for something. Kids fifty years ago didn't have texts

A kid texts while waiting for something. Kids fifty years ago didn’t have texts

Ted, another scientist involved with the study and who only goes by the name of Ted, had this to say, “Kids today have the coolest shit. Kids fifty years ago had shit.”
Read the full report in the newest issue of Forbes magazine

Is Timberlake bringing Sexy back?

Posted on by Talker99

According to sources close to Justin Timberlake, the actor/singer is seriously considering bringing Sexy back sometime this year.

You may remember when Justin brought Sexy back in the summer of 2006. While it was a critical and commercial success, it had problems in the fact that those other boys didn’t know how to act.

Despite this setback, sources close to Justin are telling us that he is seriously going to go ahead and be gone with it while making up for things that he once lacked.

We’ll keep you posted.

Local man swears his girlfriend is not a Bitch

Posted on by Talker99

Regardless of how Megan Reed may act, Ryan Barber, her boyfriend of four months, swears up and down that, “she really isn’t a bitch”.

Friends of Ryan would disagree though.

The conflict started after Ryan was set up on a date with Megan by a co-worker. Immediately the two hit it off and started seeing each other exclusively, much to the despair of everyone else in Ryans life.

We talked to Bryan Barber, Ryan’s brother, who told us just how much a bitch Megan really is, “she’s pretty much a Mega-bitch.”

Devon Montgomery, Ryan’s best friend of six years, had this to say, “You know when people talk about someone being bitchy and that they are walking around acting like their shit don’t stink? Well, and this is really creepy, her shit literally does not stink. I mean, I know it’s weird but her shit smells more like vanilla.

If that doesn’t tell you something then I don’t know what will.”

Megan could not be reached for comment.

Fourteen year old girl can’t wait to leave home

Posted on by Talker99

Kendra Hearst, age fourteen, said  today that she “can’t freaking wait till (she’s) old enough to get the hell out of this stupid hillbilly town and away from idiots like you!”

The “you” that Kendra was referring to are her parents, Daryl and Samantha Hearst, and the town in question is Gypsy, Wyoming, population 22,000.

No word yet as to where Kendra might go but early reports are saying it might be Jeremy Kirkpatrick’s house.