reality

Talker99 Editorial

Posted on by Talker99

The following is an editorial from Talker99(He’s not just good-looking, he’s really good-looking).

The thoughts and feelings represented here are strictly his and his alone.

They in no way represent the thoughts and feelings of the writers at Talker99(namely me, Talker99).

After reading this you may feel dizzy or light-headed. This is completely normal and should not be looked upon as anything other than what it actually is(light headedness, dizziness, arousal). Thank you.

That was a poorly written post a few days ago.

I’m not making excuses because, well, you don’t deserve excuses. I just went back and reread the midget post and I don’t know why I even published it without editing it.

My thoughts on stories about midgets have always been the same, that they should be just like a midget(if they existed, which they don’t) short and sexy.

What I mean is, that they should be whimsical and full of magic…… anything else and they just become a dwarf.

Yes, I will agree that instead of writing this I should have probably just gone back to work on it.

Here’s the thing…. that is way to much work.

It is so much easier to create than to decreate(it should be a word, like swang, as in swing, swang, swung) so why don’t you just go back to washing dishes honey? I’ll stick to the man stuff, like working.

I realize that may have been a little sexist and for that I do apologize.

It’s just that sometimes you gots to put a bitch in her place.

Again, I apologize, that was not only sexist but it felt like the right thing to say.

Wait…what?eItpPiy_bAHoqlyFo41-gw

July 4th….the Worlds holiday

Posted on by Talker99

“Happy 4th of July”

It’s a saying said round the world and spoken in every language. From Bob in India to Carol in Nigeria, everyone coming together to celebrate our independence.

When the aliens first arrived back in July of 96, many had hoped that they came in peace. That hope was short lived when suddenly and without warning they attacked, killing millions and reducing whole cities to nothing but piles of rubble.

That was on July 2nd, 1996.

On July 3rd we took the fight to them.

Every nation around the world sent the best their country had to offer straight into the fire. It was one of the largest coordinated attacks ever attempted by the military but it became the single greatest Intel blunder the world had ever seen.

“We sent those fighter pilots to their graves that day and it never should have happened.” Rich Garcia, July fourth expert and historian explained,

“We sent them in there knowing full well we couldn’t beat the aliens. The alien tech was too advanced and our military was simply not able to handle the fight. At least that’s what was thought at the time.

Years later we found out through declassified documents that we knew exactly what the aliens had. The powers involved kept it quiet though and in doing so they murdered millions more.

One of the alien ships crashed in the forties and we had been reverse engineering their tech ever since. It was so top secret the military didn’t even know about it

Until it was too late.”

We still had one more weapon at our disposal but it’s impact would be at a great cost.

“No one in their right mind would ever consider to drop a nuclear weapon, especially not on our own soil….but that’s exactly what we did.” Shirley Draven, Independence historian told us by phone,

“At 9:15 p.m. July 3rd, we did the unthinkable and dropped a 40 ton warhead in the center of Houston, Texas……it’s just a wasteland now, uninhabitable until 2120.

And it had zero effect on the aliens…..just sad really.”

Continued on page 8.

Tune in to this documentary about the weird, wonderful world of the little person

Posted on by Talker99

A new National Geographic documentary premiering tonight on the NatGeo Channel hopes to quell long held public misunderstandings about the strange and wonderful world of the Midget.

Sometimes called Dwarves, Little People or Middle Eastern Scavenger Elves, Midgets have a long held public fascination with an almost mythical lore that has spanned for centuries.

Interest in the little creatures have spiked in the recent years after the finding of the New York Tunnel Dwarf, an often talked about but rarely seen nocturnal creature.

National geographic spent almost four years filming the three part documentary.

The first part is a showcase on the thirty different types of midget, which, amazingly enough, live in every part of the world, even the water, such as the Water Crested Doodle Dwarf.

The show lets viewers see firsthand some of the dangers that some of the more vicious types can bring.

A prime example of this would be the Drunken Pool Midget, who is found in parts of Nebraska, and attacked some of the camera crew during the shoot. For the course of a day the Pool Midget seemed hellbent on destroying the entire production, even sending one woman to the infirmary.

Along with the aggressiveness there is gentleness as well.

The show will have a very touching and sometimes hilarious conception to birth segment of the Alaskan Wooded Little Person. The trials and tribulations those adorable Little People go through during mating season are well worth your viewership alone.

Part two showcases the efforts and frustrations to stop the illegal poaching of the Lithuanian Little Foot, which has seen its once flourishing population dwindle to only 300 in just three years time. The Little Foot is prized in Chinese medicine for its genitalia which is ground up to a powder and then eaten .

The long held belief in Chinese culture is that consuming the powder helps fight back age and erectile dysfunction but there is no proof that this is true. Poaching of the little foot is a billion dollar industry and the ones fighting for the Little Foot are far outgunned sadly.

Highly recommended and informative.

It starts tonight at 8, 7 central.