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Man stops Charging Grizzly

Posted on by Talker99

While camping at the Happy Place campgrounds in Barrow Falls, Alaska, Harold Harkins (of Beaverton, MN) managed to stop a charging, very pissed off Grizzly bear that was attacking. His act of bravery is what saved the rest of Larry and Laura Hartnets vacation.

Larry Hartnet, a Target manager from Butte, Montana, talked to us by phone, “Well, see me and the wife were wanting to go on the all inclusive bear tour during our trip. We paid for it and it’s all the wife could talk about on the way up here.

Just nonstop yapping about how she(begins to mimic his wife laura in a annoying, high pitched voice) just can’t wait to see the bears. Oooooo, the bears are gonna be so pretty and majestic. Do you think we’ll see a bear? What if we can’t see a bear? Bear. Bear. Bear…. (stops imitating)

I swear to Christ it was all I freakin’ heard,

Anyways, we get there and the first night, no bears.

The second night, no freakin’ bears.

I thought my wife was gonna bust she was actin’ so upset. Well, I get wind of another bear tour that drives a group of us up into the mountain, puts some dead animal or fish out in the open and waits there till one comes walkin’.

It was freakin’ perfect! Anything to get her trap from freakin’ talkin’ bout those dumb ass bears!

So I tell the wife about it and we drive up to where the tour is supposed to leave. Trouble was we get there exactly ten minutes too late! The freakin’ tour thingy already left! Thats when the water works came…..oh Jesus, I swear I wanted a bear to show just so it could eat her, she was crying so much.

Suddenly I hear a “pssst, pssst”, coming from behind me. I turn around and it’s a freakin’ aww inspiring-like Grizzly Bear! Totally brown and bear-like and he’s just looking me dead in the eye, kinda mean muggin’ me….. Then I see that he’s trying to call me over, kinda wavin’ at me with his big bear paws. It was freakin’ crazy!

So I walk up and he starts askin’ if we want to see the bears….and that he can show us more bears if we want. Then he starts to explain the deals he has and the prices. We haggled a few minutes and me an the wife decided on package number 1, which involved us following him up to his place.

Once there we would be allowed to sit and watch him in his natural environment. Total package was for about $150. A little pricey but well worth it to get the wife to shut up.

So we follow the fucker up into the hills for about ten minutes and all is fine. Suddenly he just stops and turns to me and says he wants the money up front.

Well, I ain’t sure if this bear is on the level so I say I’ll pay half now, half after. I mean, I don’t know this bear, he could just take off if he gets the money and then where would I be? Up shit creek, thats where!

I could tell though that the bear wasn’t having it and he starts to get all pissy. His attitude just rubbed me wrong and we start to argue.

This goes on for a few minutes and then he starts to just walk away, throwing his paws up as he does. As he gets past me I just snap like a twig and I tell him to fuck off.

He suddenly stops dead in his tracks and the whole forest, well, it just gets weirdly quiet. Then he turns around, looks me square in the eyes and says, “what the fuck did you just say?”

I looked right back and said, “F. U. C. K. Y. O. U…..does a bear spell in the woods? No? Well let me read it for you…” I then stuck up both middle fingers and yelled, “FUCK YOU!”

The shit pretty much hit the fan at this point.

He starts screaming at me, calling me every name he can think of. Thats when my wife just starts crying, real loud, heaving sobs, but amazingly, she is snappin’ pictures the entire time.

I decided to be the bigger man and say fuck it and walk away but he grabs my shoulder and tells me I owe him 50 bucks. I tell him that all I owe him is a black eye and lucky for him I don’t feel like collecting.

Thats when he pushes me.

So I stamp my foot into the ground and pushed back.

Then he started to growl.

At this point I realize that he was a bear….. a big ass, mean, giant Grizzly bear and I was pretty much fucked.

Suddenly I see this guy, Harold, coming up from the trail. Like a knight to my damsel in distress, he saw what was about to go down and he jumps in to stop it. I guess the bear didn’t see him cuz he still swiped down trying to hit me….(starts to cry) but he hits Harold instead.

It killed him instantly.

Seconds later some Rangers show up and just start shooting the bear. My wife, who is still taking pics, pushes me down to the ground and saved my ass.

She took two shots in the ass and will be off her feet a few weeks, thats what I’m dealing with now, which sucks.

More as it updates.

Scientists say a comet will strike the World of Warcraft within a week

Posted on by Talker99

Scientists announced today that a comet will strike the World of Warcraft within three or four days, dramatically changing the surface of its terrain.

The comet, nicknamed Ol’ Glory by the Warcraft Astronomer who found it(BizKilla345), will probably strike somewhere in the Broken Isles area, causing massive tsunamis and Worldcraft wide devastation.

As news of the impending doom spread around the online world, violence quickly erupted, causing at least twenty thousand confirmed fake deaths in the unreal communities of the false world.

Looting, riots and annoying lags of internet connections are just a few of the problems that the families of the World of Warcraft have been going through since hearing of the mile wide comet. Underneath it all there have been stories of compassion as well.

We heard from SmiteUall33, who told us of a man who has given away all of his Warcraft possessions to those affected by the violence. Sadly though, his kindness was taken advantage of by some rouge Ironforge Dwarves who killed him while he prayed with a Blood Elf.

No plans have been made yet for evacuation though many are hoping that the World of Warcraft players will soon realize that it is only a game and get back to their real, everyday lives.

Feral Cow

Posted on by Talker99

Deep in the foothills of Texas there lives a creature that, since being discovered only thirty two years ago, has been photographed just four times in it’s natural environment.

It is so stealth-like in it’s habits that scientists still have no clue as to where it goes every year during the months of November through January, speculating that its strange disappearance could either be a “mating season rite or a winter hibernation like move”.

I am talking of course about the North American Forest Bovine, or what some like to call, the Feral Cow.

The Feral Cow had long been considered a superstitious rumor that was thought up by the hill people of North Travis county, Texas but it’s discovery by Dr. Reginald Christian thirty two years ago, (who found a lost calf wondering alone in the woods), is still considered one of the greatest large animal findings in recorded history.

At the time, it was believed that all of North America had been discovered and the thought of a large cow(sometimes reaching a weight of 1500 lbs and a height of 6ft hoof to head) living, sometimes within a mile of a major metropolitan city, was unimaginable.

“What we have here is proof of the impossible.” Fred Joplin of the San Diego Zoo, where he is the current head of the reptile house(we could not reach anyone else) told us by phone, “What this finding did is give hope and precedence to all those that searched for things like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. It gave them reason to keep looking because, just like Bigfoot, the Feral Cow was just a local legend for that area, something scary parents told their kids to keep them indoors at night. Once it was proven that it existed, that there actually was a giant cow out there in the hills….well, why not Bigfoot as well?”

The Feral Cow itself is not that much different from the normal dairy cow that you and I know, save for two distinct differences.

While a dairy cow has short, fine hair spread around its body, the Feral has long hair that resembles a Mountain Yak in fluff and color. And while the farm cow is really not that intelligent in it’s day to day reasoning skills, The Feral is an extremely intelligent creature, able to calculate situations it encounters with complex reasoning and in some well documented cases, a grasp of basic mathematics.

Also, another difference in the two is the Feral Cow is a carnivore, eating only meat, and has evolved over time into a formidable killing machine.

Over the years many people have disappeared while hiking in the woods of west Texas, many of these disappearances can be linked to the Feral Cow.

“Don’t let that dumb cow look fool you, they’ll tear you limb from limb and feast on your blood.” So says John Kilmer, a Lake Jackson, Texas resident who lost his wife and child to a rouge Feral Cow that terrorized the town for more than a decade. “People go out camping and think to themselves it won’t happen to them, no one ever sees the Cows, so they should be okay. Well I’m hear to tell you, it happens, the Cows happen. You come across one, you run like hell. They may look sweet and cuddly, they want you to think this, lull you in some, make you all comfortable….then Bam! The cow pounces, those cute eyes turn blood red and the last thing you hear is that horrible, horrible Moo…… the most evil moo there ever was.”

More is hoped to be learned about the cow in the coming months when an expedition is launched that hopes to study the Animal in it’s natural environment. This being the third research study in as many years, the first two disappearing, both within a week of their launch, and have yet to be heard from .

More as it develops.

Pokemon

Posted on by Talker99

Minneapolis, Mn

For Twin Cities resident Henry Webber, Pokemon is more than just a children’s card game and multi-million dollar money making animated series, it is a highly sophisticated, multinational governmental cover-up involving dozens of countries throughout the world, all of which are after the one prize of catching them all

“Oh yes,” Henry told us, “some of the nations that are involved are most definitely enemies of the state. Have you ever heard of a little place called Afghanistan? Over fifty Pokemon come from there so it stands to reason that the whole war on terror that was started in the early 2000’s was actually nothing more than a ruse…..(he takes a dramatic pause and looks away at the wall, then his cat, then back to me)…. a ruse to capture and weaponize all remaining Pokemon that are living within the mountains of the Afghan Nation.

Viscous and cruel Pokemon such as Electrike(he hands me a card with a picture of a cute little electric creature). That Pokemon may have been responsible for the Thai Tsunami that took over a hundred thousand lives.”

As proof of the existence of Pokemon, Henry then handed me a card with a picture of a creature named Steelix. He then ran back to his bedroom and shut the door.

Nearly twenty-two minutes later(and one exhausting conversation with his mother, who he lives with) Henry reappears holding a little lizard/cat creature, He then tells me it’s the same one in the card I was shown.

I looked it over and as soon as I realized he wasn’t lying, I swear to God, my jaw hit the fucking floor. Then, he says some crazy Japanese sounding word and the fucking things tail starts spinning! I flew out of that house so fast…….I mean I was fucking gone! My heart was pounding out of my chest almost! It was crazy….. I just don’t even know how to explain what I saw….I ju….I just know….(breathing heavily)I was so fucking scared!”

More as it develops

Do you agree

Posted on by Talker99

A recent poll conducted by CNN shows that seventy nine percent of the general public is in total agreement while another fourteen percent completely disagree.

Those in complete disagreement rose almost three percent from last years poll, which has left most experts baffled as to what might be going on to have so many different opinions..

It is of note though that those who simply do not care stayed the same at 4% as did the number for those that were too busy for the poll at 3%.

Alcoholic nation of Poland complains Stereotypes are offensive

Posted on by Talker99

The crime-ridden, alcoholic nation of Poland went before NATO today complaining that stereotypes about their communistic land are hurting its economy, namely the tourist portion.

When the anti-Semitic speaker of Poland had finished he was met with a small amount of applause and some light finger snapping from the hippie loving, pot smoking liberal representatives of Nato(Sean Penn was there).

Reps for the Asian portions of the world and the people who are clearly smarter than everyone(especially where math is concerned) gave Poland its full support in getting rid of stereotypes, adding “We very, very excited to support Poland in stereotype problem. We know all to well stereotyping, it bad, bad thing. Ching chow.” He then drove off and wrecked his car into the building across the street.

America is apparently on the fence when it comes to certain views on stereotypes. President Trump, himself a rich, white Republican who hates minorities and womens rights, sent a message to the leader of Poland after his speech, saying, “We support your speech. As you know, my nation is filled with dumb blondes, stupid jocks, slutty cheerleaders, rich white guys, drunk Irish, inbred hillbillies, hairy, bomb wearing middle eastern guys, trailer park trash, smarty pants, game playing Asians and more Mexican illegals than I can shake a stick at. What I’m saying is, stereotypes have no place in our society so we stand with you in eradicating those types of views from the face of the Earth.” ,

The wild animal roaming, dirt road nation of Poland also got support from the racist nation of South Africa, the big nosed French, the no sense of humor Nazi loving Germany and the really bad dancing white guy in the corner.

More as it develops.

Confused man thinks someone called his name

Posted on by Talker99

For Tempe, Arizona resident Jerrod Ward, walking to and from work every day is more than just his way of saying that he’s trying to live “Green”, it’s also his favorite part of the day.

“Well, my favorite two parts of the day.” Jerrod told us by phone last Tuesday night, “See, cause I walk to work and then back home after I get off…….so, it’s my favorite “two” parts of the day.”

He then laughs and asks if I get the humor in what he said…..

(silence)

But last Monday night his walk home was interrupted for a few Earth shattering moments by a belief that someone called out his name, sending him into a confused state of looking around and wondering who it was.

Police are said to be investigating more important matters.

Bible 2 announced

Posted on by Talker99

Santa Monica, California

God, in all his Glory, announced Tuesday that he is planning a sequel to his best selling novel of all time, “The Bible”, titled, “Bible 2”.

God took the time to sit down and tell me what the sequel is about and why exactly it took hundreds of years to complete.
“The story will take place ten years in the future. Jesus, now living in a Tibetan monastery and studying the wisdom of Buddha, has become more self reliant and sure of his place in the universe. He is also happily dating a local Orthodontist named Kristen.

It seems like the prodigal son finally is at peace with the world around him so he starts to let his hair down a bit.

He also finds he rather enjoys being out of the limelight. He especially loves living in a place that could care less who he is and enjoys just walking around town and not being constantly asked for a miracle.

All those years of carrying the sins of mankind were a bit much for him and this Jesus is a much more war torn and weary savior.

Gone is the Jesus of old, the forgiving Jesus if you will….no, this Jesus is much more cynical and distant.

Of course the little happiness that he does have is fleeting and trouble comes in a hellish way when the Devil comes back to settle a score.

Jesus must then gather up his posse of apostles and fight to save all he loves.

Its part redemption tale and part action adventure with a bit of romance thrown in for good measure.

The reason for such the long wait was simple….I had no idea where to go with the story. (he starts to laugh, a big, booming laugh that causes the lights in our office to flicker on and off) Once I had the initial plot line though it just flowed out of me and I wrote it within a week. I know the fans will love it.”

Look for this and Gods upcoming autobiography, “The Divine Light and the Creation of Me” coming this year, both from Bantom Publishing.

Auto-bot leader refuses to transform to society

Posted on by Talker99

Following the recent arrest of Star Scream,(lewd and disorderly conduct outside a Boston airport hanger), the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime, reached out and talked to us about the troubles his kind have faced since arriving here on Earth and why representation matters.

When visiting the almost 30 foot tall Optimus, one can’t help but be overcome with a sense of awe.

Knowing this, Optimus is quick to put you at ease by inviting you in his home to see his massive collection of Glee memorabilia (something he’s been collecting since the show ended).

After being discharged from the military two years ago, Prime moved out to California and became a staunch advocate for Transformer rights.

Tragedy struck when his friend Skids(a Honda Civic turbo minivan) was sent to the auto shop in critical condition(following a late night altercation with two L.A. youths).

The lawyers for the teens tried to get the charges reduced to vandalism of a sentient automobile.(or Go-bot as some in the media like to call them) Instead though, a new law entirely was placed on the books that covered the type of hate crime perpetrated.

Quickly dubbed “form bashing” , the youths were sentenced to 2 years in prison after Skids Allspark battery drained during the time of the trial.

When asked about the incident Optimus told us that he, “hates that (his) friend died so viciously. Skids was nice to everyone he met. He loved to help and was an active road side assistance volunteer on the weekends. His death ultimately was not in vain. Our loss of Skids in the battle for Transformers rights is what helped finally win the war for all our kind.”

Soon after, Optimus opened Skids House, a non profit orginization designed to keep troubled Autobot youths off the street. “It’s a place Skids always dreamed of opening, it’s his heart and soul inside every room.” Prime said tearfully.

With the Skids trial behind him and an uncertain future ahead, Optimus didn’t know where to turn next. Luckily his new quest was found staring right back at him one day.

“It was me. I realized how unhappy I was. I was having to constantly hide from everyone, never showing my true form. Plus I hated living inside a parking garage. It was like I and all the others, Auto and Decepticon alike, were simply trapped inside a closet. We were having to shun our true selves for the masses and it made no sense for me to have to live like that.

I mean, shit, the public knew we were here. You can You Tube us at any time and thousands of battle videos pop up, it made no sense to keep hiding. I vowed from then on to not live like that, for better or worse I was coming out of the garage and refusing to transform.”

Prime then moved to San Fransisco and started his successful Con-Form campaign, which calls out to all Transformers to stop the lies and simply be themselves.

“I just want all of us to stop being whatever shell society wants us to hide behind and stop the illusion that they are something they are not. The public will accept you, like they have me, and you will be so much happier because of it.”

The urgency of his campaign stems from the recent rash of Autobot suicides that have swept the nation. So far in the last year 23 Autobot have been found dead with wheel written notes stating how hard it is for them to keep driving. It’s a trend that Optimus hopes to stop.

If you wish to learn more how you might be able to help please contact your local Skids House.

Penguins study

Posted on by Talker99

Scientists studying the mating habits of Penguins in Antarctica announced today that, contrary to popular belief, Penguins are not in any way gay.

But they may be a little bit curious.

Ronald Herrington, who was in charge of the study (funded by the popular Gay and Lesbian lifestyle magazine, Out), talked to us by phone and gave us more details,

“We were out there for about three months, during the height of Penguin mating season, and we viewed, give or take, about thirty thousand penguins coupling.

After awhile the female will lay an egg, take one look at it and decide that she really has no idea what she got herself into.

Either she thinks that she’s too young to be a mother or she still has some wild oats to sow, whatever it is, she gets the hell out of there toots sweet and leaves sole custody to the male.

Now, imagine, you’re a male penguin and you’ve just been handed an egg with your son or daughter growing inside it. You’re confused, scared and your heart has been shattered.

I ask you, what would you do in this situation?

Well, in the case of the Arctic Penguin, they turn to their best friend, who, ironically, has had the exact same thing happen to them.

To make matters worse, the ex girlfriend left them during the coldest, harshest part of the winter.

So there they are, cold, depressed and panicked because, honestly, what do they know about raising a child?

So they go to the only place a male penguin can hang out and relax…. down at the ice reef.

Luckily, there are about 15000 other guys freaking out there also so it becomes like a giant self help meeting.

Now remember, it’s freakin freezing out there, so all these guys clump together for warmth. There you all are, a pathetic bunch huddled together to protect each other from the environment and self harm.

For three months this is all these guys do, bitch, cry and bond. During this time it’s only natural for these guys to…… experiment a little…..

Shit, I was here with four other guys for three months watching these birds. I was kinda in the same boat as they were.

I’m not saying we got all gay or anything but, Tommy, our helicopter pilot, sure did try enough times.

Eventually, all the female penguins come crying back, fatter and with a lot more fur. Some of the guys listen to their sob stories and take them back. Others not so much.

The ones that don’t take them back found, we think, that they were happiest with whichever guy they hooked up with.

They didn’t know they were gay, but now they sure as hell are more comfy because of it. It happened to Tommy, it sure does happen to penguins.

Many in the scientific community are disputing Mr. Herrington’s findings, saying that he’s an idiot

Dog and Cats Incredible Journey comes to a sad end

Posted on by Talker99

Glade, Tennessee

After becoming lost three years ago while their owners were vacationing in Yellowstone Park, the unbearably adorable and crazily mismatched duo of Buddy the Black Lab and Jasper the Calico cat have finally made it home.

One can only imagine what an incredible journey these animals have had.

Judging from the bandanna that was wrapped around Jasper, it seems at one point they were met by members of the Hells Angels who had obviously taken them and made them honorary members of the notorious biker gang.

Buddy has some scars over his left eye and it looks like he may have wrestled away a mountain lion at some point, no doubt saving Jasper in the process.

Sadly, the home that they once knew is no longer their home. Upon arrival at their former doorstep, the trio(they were joined about halfway through their journey by a Beagle named Rivers) were met with a stern look of disapproval and the boot of the old Mexican lady who now owns the home.

We spoke to Mike Richards, the Animal Control officer who was dispatched for pickup,”For three years these animals have beat the odds against them and found their way home, now, that journey has come to an end. They will be split up and placed in holding stations until either euthanasia or adoption occurs but, considering the age of these animals, it really doesn’t look good.”

For adoption information please contact your local A.S.P.C.A

Exclusive Interview: Mothman

Posted on by Talker99

Talker99 was granted an interview with the Mothman of Point Pleasant, West Virginia, to coincide with the release of it’s new book “Moth to a flame: The story of the Mothman”.

In it he talks candidly about the events leading up to the collapse of the Silver Bridge and how its affected him since.

Talker99– Mothman, first off, thank you for coming. It was starting to seem like this interview was never going to take place.

Mothman– Life has been pretty hectic as of late. It seems like every other day I’m being flown to some city for a book signing or t.v. appearance…. Pleasure to be here though.

T99– Let’s talk about the Silver Bridge collapse first and the events surrounding it.

MM– Man, bringing out the big guns….(lights a cigarette) Alright, shoot.

T99– The Silver Bridge collapse, which killed 46 people on January 11th, 1967, has been open for debate as to what your involvement might have actually been.

Some say you were trying to warn people, others say you were the real reason it happened, and then quite a few people choose to believe that you simply do not exist. What are your thoughts?

MM– You’re damn right I was trying to warn them! It’s not because I’m a psychic or a gypsy prophet like most believe, at the end of the day I’m just a Mothman, plain and simple.

I had been trying for a while to warn the city about that bridge, but they refused to listen. All anyone ever saw was a six foot tall moth standing in front of them with glowing red eyes. They all got the message, it’s just that they never heard it.

T99– And what was your message?

The Mothman standing on a bridge, looking spooky.

The Mothman standing on a bridge, looking spooky.

MM– That they better get up there and fix that shit ass bridge, that’s what the message was! (takes a long drag off cigarette and then throws it down angrily) The Silver Bridge was a death trap, it didn’t take much to see that.

At the time I lived within eyesight of it. I saw the accidents firsthand that would happen on that bridge! I knew that it was only a matter of time before……(as I listen, his eyes begin to glow a faint red, I can begin to see how someone in the dark might be frightened by him)……well, before something bad happened.(takes a long drag on cigarette, as he does this, one of his wings raises into the air)

When that bridge fell I just disappeared. Went down to visit some family in Georgia. I thought briefly of settling down there after I met a girl though. She worked at the local hospital and she smelled like fresh cut blueberries….she was beautiful….., but when I asked for her hand she said no. Her family just didn’t approve of her being with a Moth.

That’s all anyone saw, a six foot moth. They never could look past my wings and see the six foot man standing there as well……

I don’t harbor any ill will toward them though. It was a different time and there was still a lot of social injustice going around for anyone that was a minority. There still is I guess……I honestly thought Obama would have changed that sort of mind frame in people……and maybe he did for the blacks, but for the Mothmen, well, lets just say that not only am I not allowed to sit in the front of the bus, I’m not even allowed on the bus. It’s a shame really….

continued on page 67

World Population Update

Posted on by Talker99

The U.N. Population fund is reporting that as of October 31st of last year the world’s population has passed the 9 billion mark, putting further strain on resources and land needed for everyday life. The hardest hit in the world population change will be those living in lower class situations, third world residents especially. Poverty and population seemingly go hand in hand since most families in these conditions usually have a larger number of children than their wealthier counterparts (8 or more kids for poverty-stricken families as compared to an average of 2 kids for middle to upper class families).

Despite the population swell and the fact that women far outnumber men in most, if not all countries, Travis Jowski of Glen Park, Florida, will probably still not be getting laid anytime soon. He could not be reached for comment.

Jungle Fever outbreak in Midwest leaves two dead

Posted on by Talker99

An outbreak of Jungle Fever has struck a small mid-western town, leaving two dead and four others seriously ill.

Reports are sketchy but according to the Krimsaw Gazette, in Krimsaw, Iowa, the outbreak has been contained and there is no cause for alarm.

Jungle Fever stems from the 1991 Spike Lee film of the same name. So far Spike Lee’s films have been responsible for the emergence of two other viruses, The Summer of Salmonella and the Girl 6 e coli.

It is warned to only view his films once, anymore and you run the risk of infection.

The CDC is still investigating the cause of the outbreak and have yet to release the names of the victims.

Bigfoot spotted in East Texas Macy’s

Posted on by Talker99

Shoppers at an East Texas mall got more than just good bargains while shopping at the local Macy’s department store.

At least four customers have reported that they saw the elusive Bigfoot while they were browsing through the men’s fashion section of the store.

Sandra Williams, who was there with her sixteen-year-old son, is one of the people who witnessed the creature. She sat down with us and described what it was she saw, “We were standing in the Ralph Lauren section of the menswear looking for clearance items. Suddenly there was this awful stench of what seemed to be urine and wet leaves. I was about to go and complain when my son starts tugging at my shoulder and pointing at what I thought was just a really tall and hairy man. Then I saw his feet, they were huge! I immediately knew what it was…Bigfoot! As shocked as I was, I stood there and watched as it looked over a few short sleeve Polo shirts. After a few minutes, it picked out a red, extra-large striped Polo and then wandered off into the sporting goods section. It was simply amazing!”

At least two other customers have come forth describing their encounter with the creature. It’s believed that the creature had come out of hiding because it was possibly attracted by the scent of the food court but ultimately stuck around due to the amazing savings taking place at the Macy’s one day sale.