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Recent Cattle mutilations blamed on Critters

Posted on by Talker99

At least 14 cattle have been found dead in Brazoria, Texas with dozens more unaccounted for.

Police are at a loss as to what may be responsible but we at Tàlker99 believe we know whom the culprit may very well be…..

Last month, Leonardo DiCaprio was in Brazoria scouting locations for his next film, the sequel to What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, titled, What Ate Gilbert Grape.

Unreported by the local news media and fanzines that follow Leo around, four of his Critters got loose while he was out dining in Cognito(a Spanish restaurant).

You may or may not remember that Leo was in a little film titled Critters 3.

Mysteriously, four Critters disappeared from the set the day Leo left and when calls were placed to his home, they were always met with an annoying wrong number notification.

We did some digging and uncovered this shocking photo that speaks for itself

Photo: Speaking for itself

Photo: Speaking for itself

. Now we don’t want to raise the alarm here but it’s been a long day already and really this is all we got for you to read. Honestly, I’m surprised you made it this far into this story. I would have left when I read the word Critters.

To each his own I guess. See you tomorrow.

Oh, and call your mom. She misses you.

Dr. Emmet Brown finally arrested after decades long search

Posted on by Talker99

Dr Emmet Brown arrived home yesterday from the year 1955, after disappearing in a futuristic looking 1985 Delorean of the past.

The happiness friends and family felt after seeing the long thought dead scientist was short-lived though.

Approximately ten minutes after his arrival, police stormed in with a warrant and arrested him for the suspected murder of Marty Mcfly.

Mcfly, whose disappearance in the late 80’s has long been a subject of debate, was featured in a season three episode of Unsolved mysteries.

Despite numerous leads, no one was ever charged.

Did Dr. Brown kill Marty Mcfly? That was the question on everyones mind after the two were last seen talking late one night around the town clock tower.

Some said that Dr Brown was an eccentric scientist with a taste for young boys. Others said that it was not Doc Brown at all and police should look toward Marty’s mother for answers in his disappearance.

In 1955 Lorraine Mcfly(her last name was Baines at the time) had a torrid affair with someone named Calvin Klein(no relation to the fashion guru) at around the time of her high school prom.

Friends of Lorraine often told her how much her son Marty looked like Calvin and would joke about who the actual father was.

How much of what they were saying was based in truth though? That is the question everyone is asking after news broke that the doctor had returned .

More importantly, that’s the question police have been asking since the disappearance of young Marty in the 80’s.
Now though, with todays capture of Dr. Brown, might the police finally have the evidence they need to convict?

Considering he has long since been the only person of interest in this decades long cold case, many are hopeful to finally get answers to questions most thought would never be fully explained.

More as it develops.

Gary Busey finds cure for Colon Cancer

Posted on by Talker99

In a moment of inspiration, actor Gary Busey, star of such films as “The Buddy Holly Story”,”Lethal Weapon” and “Under Siege”, discovered a cure for colon cancer while working out of his basement yesterday in his Malibu, California home.

The medical community is in stunned silence.

“I don’t know,” Gary Busey told us by telephone, “I was sitting there, looking at my feet, I got a bad ingrown toenail, watching “The Hunger” with Susan Surandon, she is an amazing actress isn’t she? “White Palace” is an amazing film ain’t it? James Spader is in it too.

You ever seen that show he was on? That lawyer show? It was good. William Shatner was in it.(very long pause, seems to be thinking) Captain Kirk! That’s amazing. Do you think there are aliens here now? I do. They’re everywhere. So I’m sitting at the edge of my bed, rubbing my feet, when it hits me! Bam!(get’s right into phone, breathing heavy, yells) I got it! And I rush down to the basement, where my cancer rats are, and mix my potion of science up and…. Bam! Cure for cancer.”

The full medical report on his findings will be released tomorrow.

Commented

Posted on by Talker99

Hey! Do you like to comment?

If you’re like most people on the web today, you comment on some of the posts you come across but not all.

FACT: 90% of all blog posts are not comment worthy but people still comment(most common reason-guilt). What this does is elevate the unexciting blog into”look-at-me” status, leading them to write even more sub-par posts and a strange belief that they have fans

FACT: According to Wired Magazine, “over 62% of all blogs written today are done by drug cartels, human traffickers, party planners, black market organ harvesters and terrorists(Muslim and Canadian).” So remember, when you comment on a blog it’s a pretty good chance you’re helping make heroin.

FACT: In 1984, three blogs were convicted to life in prison for the murder of Joshua Nim. The murder, which was accurately depicted on a season three episode of Murder She Wrote, involved the blogs attacking and killing Josh after he had left some vulgar remarks following their most recent post.

It’s dangerous out there so why comment in uncharted territories when you can comment here stress free?

SOLUTION:Make Talker99 your place for any comment needs.

We know how hard it is to give your true opinion and sometimes a comment can go misread, so whatever the occasion, however the topic and whomever you’d like to comment about, Talker99 is your new place to have your comment stay.

“Whenever I need to make a comment I don’t leave it on some other guys website that I don’t know jackshit about, I leave it on Talker99.. I trust Talker99 and I know that they have my family’s safety in mind, you really can’t put a price on that.” – Micheal Douglas, star of the hit film Basic Instinct.

Recent poll finds that 57% of China can not understand the other 43%

Posted on by Talker99

In a recent Peoples Republic Poll it was found that over half of the population of China have no idea what the other half is usually saying.

Over 300 million people were asked if they found it difficult to understand what others might be saying in a typical conversation. About 57 % of those polled said they did and because of this they usually just tried to avoid conversations altogether.

Others said that they would simply just stand there and look annoyed, confused or angry until the conversation was over.

The poll was taken after the General Secretary of the Communist Party, Hu Jintao, stopped a meeting with the deputies of the Party Congress of the Peoples Liberation Army/Navy upon realizing he was really supposed to be in a meeting with the Emergency Rescue Team of APF Guangdong Contingent.

The mix up caused Hu(in typical Hu fashion) to smile broadly, look towards the cameras and say, “I fucked up”. He then shrugged his shoulders and scampered off the stage.

Later, it was decided that he had simply misunderstood his assistant when she told him his daily itinerary.

More as it develops.

Bigfoot spotted in East Texas Macy’s

Posted on by Talker99

Shoppers at an East Texas mall got more than just good bargains while shopping at the local Macy’s department store.

At least four customers have reported that they saw the elusive Bigfoot while they were browsing through the men’s fashion section of the store.

Sandra Williams, who was there with her sixteen-year-old son, is one of the people who witnessed the creature. She sat down with us and described what it was she saw, “We were standing in the Ralph Lauren section of the menswear looking for clearance items. Suddenly there was this awful stench of what seemed to be urine and wet leaves. I was about to go and complain when my son starts tugging at my shoulder and pointing at what I thought was just a really tall and hairy man. Then I saw his feet, they were huge! I immediately knew what it was…Bigfoot! As shocked as I was, I stood there and watched as it looked over a few short sleeve Polo shirts. After a few minutes, it picked out a red, extra-large striped Polo and then wandered off into the sporting goods section. It was simply amazing!”

At least two other customers have come forth describing their encounter with the creature. It’s believed that the creature had come out of hiding because it was possibly attracted by the scent of the food court but ultimately stuck around due to the amazing savings taking place at the Macy’s one day sale.